last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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