Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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