i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
