Having a random hookup so left but love u
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
