Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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