Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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