Redeem this text for a blowjob
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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