Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
The ass gains better be worth it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
