i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
