He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
