Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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