Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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