So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
