Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
