Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
