plz talk dirty to me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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