The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
