dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
