I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
