She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
