So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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