im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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