If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
