puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
