this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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