I feel like I'm in dance class right now
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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