I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so let's talk penis.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
