i can't believe i had my finger in that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
