Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
