I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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