she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
