do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
