I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
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how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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