Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
