Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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