Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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