If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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