Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
