woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
