who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?