Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.