my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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