Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
