somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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