My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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