Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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