i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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