this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize