Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
