dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how do flat chested girls get laid?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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