i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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