She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
