i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
