If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
