I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
