Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
high people should be assigned attendants
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
