Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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