Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
