I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize