i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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