drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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